[a] stay calm
[b] stay humble
[c] don’t make judgments
[d] be realistic about the risks
[e] decide whether to wait
[f] ask permission to disagree
[g] identify a shared goal
how to disagree with someone more powerful than you
your boss proposes a new initiative you think won’t work. your senior colleague outlines a project timeline you think is unrealistic. what do you say when you disagree with someone who has more power than you do? how do you decide whether it’s worth speaking up? and if you do, what exactly should you say? here’s how to disagree with someone more powerful than you.
41._____________________________
you may decide it’s best to hold off on voicing your opinion. maybe you haven’t finished thinking the problem through, the whole discussion was a surprise to you, or you want to get a clearer sense of what the group thinks. if you think other people are going to disagree too, you might want to gather your army first. people can contribute experience or information to your thinking—all the things that would make the disagreement stronger or more valid. it’s also a good idea to delay the conversation if you’re in a meeting or other public space. discussing the issue in private will make the powerful person feel less threatened.
42._____________________________
before you share your thoughts, think about what the powerful person cares about—it may be the credibility of their team or getting a project done on time. you’re more likely to be heard if you can connect your disagreement to a higher purpose. when you do speak up, don’t assume the link will be clear. you’ll want to state it overtly, contextualizing your statements so that you’re seen not as a disagreeable underling but as a colleague who’s trying to advance a shared goal. the discussion will then become more like a chess game than a boxing match.
43._____________________________
this step may sound overly deferential, but it’s a smart way to give the powerful person psychological safety and control. you can say something like, “i know we seem to be moving toward a first-quarter commitment here. i have reasons to think that won’t work. i’d like to lay out my reasoning. would that be ok?” this gives the person a choice, allowing them to verbally opt in. and, assuming they say yes, it will make you feel more confident about voicing your disagreement.
44._____________________________
you might feel your heart racing or your face turning red, but do whatever you can to remain neutral in both your words and actions. when your body language communicates reluctance or anxiety, it undercuts the message. it sends a mixed message, and your counterpart gets to choose what to read. deep breaths can help, as can speaking more slowly and deliberately. when we feel panicky we tend to talk louder and faster. simply slowing the pace and talking in an even tone helps the other person calm down and does the same for you. it also makes you seem confident, even if you aren’t.
45._____________________________
emphasize that you’re offering your opinion, not gospel truth. it may be a well-informed, well-researched opinion, but it’s still an opinion, so talk tentatively and slightly understate your confidence. instead of saying something like, “if we set an end-of-quarter deadline, we’ll never make it,” say, “this is just my opinion, but i don’t see how we will make that deadline.” having asserted your position (as a position, not as a fact) demonstrates equal curiosity about other views. remind the person that this is your point of view, and then invite critique. be open to hearing other opinions.